Dr.

So I haven't really blogged about the final PhD milestone - the graduation. I went back to visit Wollongong for the first time since I moved in July, largely because I wanted to go to my graduation ceremony.

Anyone who has been to a graduation ceremony (your own or a loved one's) knows it isn't exactly riveting viewing. It's crowded, and long, with lots of "you can achieve anything you set your mind to" speeches. I'm not one for pomp and ceremony. Traditions in which I can no longer see the point irritate me. I remember being quite critical of my first graduation ceremony, and just wanted to get in and out. It was a "for the parents" moment.

But this time I really wanted to go. Not because I thought it would be any more entertaining or any less pompous, but because I really needed to enact the ritual. I needed to go through the motions to feel like it was all properly over. To know, or even to convince myself, that I was really finished. And because I had this different attitude going in, I noticed and appreciated far more about the ceremony. I realised, feeling somewhat daft, that many completing their undergraduate degree felt as I did - exhausted, and ready to shut the door on that chapter of life. Rituals help us do that; they give us a pathway through which to move on. Perhaps the pomp and ceremony has a place after all, I thought (though I'm still not comfortable with the 'status' and 'improving your worth' rhetoric that goes along with it).

It reminded me about some thoughts and discussions I had shared with the Wollongong girls a few years back about ritual and ceremony as it relates to faith. I remember us talking about (probably inspired by Rob Bell) God giving the Israelites rituals to enact not because he needed them in order to feel worthy, but because it helped them worship and understand smething of who God is. Rituals and traditions are often enacted for others - for their benefit, to meet their expectations. But this is when they are empty. When rituals and traditions are enacted because they help you understand something, process something, celebrate something of value to you, or to move forward, they can be quite beautiful.

Welcome back

Wow, almost 4 months without blogging. I think that's a record absence. I don't suppose anyone is reading anymore, but just in case you are, I'll move on to blogging about something other than my lack of blogging.

Katie asked me about a month back why I haven't been blogging. She sent me a text message with multiple choice answers. The main hindrance has been that I feel some some significant and personal things have happened in my life over the past few months, and it has been hard to blog without mentioning them, and it has been hard to know how to mention them on the blog.

For those reading from afar wanting a Melbourne update, some brief notes. I love this city, and it feels like home. Work is interesting and fulfilling, but it is too busy and the workplace culture encourages an ambitiousness I'm not comfortable with. What I miss most is my girlfriends. I have a good church where I have been welcomed into community, have found a small group, as well as the beginnings of interesting and satisfying friendships, a place to serve, and a love interest, Jonathan. One day if I'm brave I'll blog the story of how we met and got to know each other at church.

People keep asking me how I'm handling the Melbourne winter. Up until 2 weeks ago I was fine. It is definitely colder, but you go out better prepared. I hadn't felt the burden of the notorious Melbourne winter. However, what I'm realising now is that winter is much longer, and that's what's painful about it. While Sydney and Wollongong are getting sunshine and temperatures creeping into the 20s, Melbourne is still firmly stuck in the teens. The last few weeks have also been much wetter than the rest of winter. This comes as a great relief to Victorian farmers, but it is adding to my winter woes (which I do acknowledge is not important in the scheme of things). Everyone at work is complaining about cabin fever, as we all dash through the rain as quickly as possible from our house to our cars to our offices, and then at the end of the day, do it all in reverse. Apparently the coming weekend is supposed to be dry and not freezing, so I'm going to go OUTSIDE. Except on Sunday when I have to drive far to a suburb I've never heard of for work. But I'm going to take Friday and Monday off because I have a few days in lieu.

But for now, I will sleep.

A lesson in taking things for granted

Every autumn my grandparents pack up their caravan and drive out to Bright in country Victoria for a couple of weeks. There's a big autumn leaf festival (or something) down there, and they've been going since my mum was a kid. It's a few hours drive out of Melbourne, and so this year they decided to leave the caravan in Bright for a night, and drive into the city to visit me. They're staying in a hotel in St Kilda overnight and they plan to drive back to Bright tomorrow some time.

Tonight we went out for dinner together and they were telling me about their time in Bright so far. They were talking about what walks they had been on, what shops they had gone to, and what activities they had done. Then Nan said "We brought our bikes with us but Pop wouldn't let us ride until after we had come to visit you in case something happened and then we couldn't drive to Melbourne!". I looked at Pop and he nodded in agreement.

What is amazing about this is firstly, that they cared so much about visiting me that they would abstain from an activity that might prevent their visit, and secondly that despite being fit, healthy, and active they are aware of the fragility that comes with their stage of life. For them this was a small, insignificant decision, and an even more insignificant comment over dinner. But for me it made me realise that they are taking nothing for granted. They're aware that just because they make a plan, it doesn't mean it's going to happen as they'd like. They're good at delaying gratification. Meanwhile I'm selfish, stubborn, impatient, and I take my plans for granted.

I'm so glad they came to visit!

They say nobody's perfect, but it's really true this time

I was a little young for Mad About You when it was a prime time TV show. I remember it, but I didn't watch it because I thought Paul and Jamie were old. I suppose I didn't relate very well to thirty-something newlyweds living in Manhattan in the 90s when I was 13.

Awhile back I bought Beth season 1 of Mad About You, and happily also made my way through the box set. Quickflix set me up with season 2, and Beth recently bought and loaned me season 3. And now that the age gap has closed somewhat between the Buckmans and myself, I can say that I think Mad About You is an absolutely delightful show.

Paul and Jamie's love for one another is imperfect. They're imperfect individuals, and they maintain this imperfection as a couple. Further, their imperfections are not always complimentary - oftentimes they are conflict-inducing. But here's what I think is really lovely: no matter how deep their conflict is or how disappointed they become in one another, they aren't scared by it. They are secure in their commitment to one another, so conflict doesn't threaten them. They're not avoidant of one another's short-comings, and again I think this is because they're not motivated by fear to keep everything rosy.

Yeah, I know they're not real. But they could be. They could be any married couple who are working hard on their imperfect relationship - not out of fear of failure, but out of a loving commitment. And in fact, I do know these people in real life. As I have been thinking this over the past few weeks I've been reminded of the kind of romance that matters. The kind of romance that makes the world a better place for everyone, not just those 'in love' at any given moment. The kind of romance I want for myself. And the kind of romance I think mirrors Jesus' love for the church, which ultimately is the whole point.

Or am I taking a 90s sitcom with bad fashion too seriously?

ANZAC day

Many readers will know that my thesis has passed with minor revisions. I'm very fortunate that these revisions were truly minor - typos, clarifications, and an additional 2 paragraphs of text. I estimated it was going to take me 2-3 hours to fix it all up and send it to my supervisor for a once over before having it printed and bound. My estimation was spot on, except that it also took me an additional 2 hours to reformat the document to account for the changes I made. Argh! Nothing sends me crazy like details.

Anyway, in truth it was a welcome distraction, as I never really know what to do with myself on ANZAC day. On the one hand I recognise that there is tragedy in war that is important to recognise. On the other hand, I think ANZAC day for the most part is used to send a simplified message about war and military service. David and Andreana were generous enough to host me for an Indian feast last night, and we had some interesting discussions on this topic.

Tonight at church it became apparent very quickly that the sermon was going to have a ANZAC flavour. I admit I sat a little tense, wondering about the direction of the message. The preacher told the ANZAC story, adding some emotive anecdotes about individual heroism and bravery. It's not that I wanted to contest these stories necessarily, but I was worrying that this was going to be another over-simplified message delivered from an inappropriate platform. But then the preacher stopped and asked us if we are similarly moved by the narratives of the heros of the Bible. He challenged us not to oversimplify the message of the actions and lives of the likes of Peter and Paul, and least of all Jesus, in the way the ANZAC story had been oversimplified. He cautioned against dismissing the actions of our saviour as unheroic because they're not as simple or straightforward or tangible as the ANZAC legend. And finally, amidst a discussion of Phillippians 2:1-11*, focussed on Jesus' sacrifice which he offered for our interests and not his own as the ultimate act of heroism, and encouraged us to take on Paul's encouragement to emulate this kind of heroism in Christ's name.

In this message there was the provision of a framework within which to acknowledge ANZAC day that I was comfortable with, personally and spiritually. And for that I'm grateful.

*If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

More Visitors

I seem to only have the urge to blog when visitors come. That's probably because "I went to work again today, and came home and watched 30 Rock by myself while I ate dinner" doesn't make for a very interesting post day after day.

A big chunk of the Wollongong crew were here from Easter Monday for a week. Katie stayed with me, Langdon with his parents, while the others opted for child-friendly apartments in the city. It was a huge blessing for me to have them all here. Since they've gone I've felt more settled, which is probably the opposite consequence than what I expected. But now my lives feel integrated and I don't feel as separate from them.

Work-wise it worked out really well for me because down here academics get Easter Tuesday off, and I had a day in lieu which I took on Wednesday, so I only had to work 2 days while they were all here. We covered so much ground in a few days...we ate at some fantastic places, went to some fun little bars, wandered markets and went for walks. A highlight for me was girls day - where I took the girls to places that I love that have become part of my Melbourne life. It was kind of a 'day in the life' experience. Another highlight was having Katie stay here and the little bits and pieces we could do together like dance late at night, and lie awake talking in the dark. Also, I found out while they were here that my PhD has been accepted (with minor revisions) so it was great to be able to celebrate that with people who have really walked that journey with me. Finally, the girls all came to my new church on Sunday night which felt so right. I think that did us all a lot of good. It was a bit like a handing over ritual.

This weekend just gone was also really special because Beth and Shannon came down to stay. Once again, it was just really special to have people who know me so well so close for a few days. When they arrived at my place with just a little bit of light left, so we grabbed a drink and took it up on the roof and watched the last of the sunset, and watched St Kilda light up for the night. We chatted until we were so hungry we couldn't stand it anymore, so we went downstairs and organised ourselves for dinner and drinks. We stayed local on Friday night, and then on Saturday we went out to Fitzroy to go to the Rose St Artist Markets and shopped a little more along Brunswick Street where the main drawcard was the Alannah Hill outlet. We all managed to find Alannah Hill dresses for $50 each.

Saturday night we were out in the city, and consequently we slept our way through our plans to go to Brighton on Sunday morning. We went into the city around midday instead, went to Pellegrini's for lunch, and then once again I had to embrace my new goodbye lifestyle as Beth and Shan got on the airport bus. I think it was a real healing weekend for us all. I don't mean for our friendships - they didn't require healing. But each of us has walked a fairly rocky path recently, and to have so much time to invest in one another over the weekend was, I think, just what the doctor ordered.

Visitors

My family came to visit this weekend. And what a weekend it was to visit! Inflated flight and hotel prices, road closures, motors roaring at 8am, and public transport with just one destination - the Grand Prix.

Do I sound like a local, whinging about the Grand Prix?

Actually it wasn't too bad. Aside from the inconveniences listed above, it didn't create too much havoc. I was expecting the streets and restaurants to be overflowing, but I think the event organisers tried to contain the crowds in Albert Park, and seemed to succeed.

It was great to have the fam here. I had picked out a restaurant to try on Saturday night in St Kilda that I knew they'd love. It's called Slow Down and it aligns itself with the principles of slow food and ethical eating. 95% of the produce they use, including their wines and beers, is organic and sourced locally. They minimise food wastage and recycle plastics and papers as much as possible. It was terrific food and a great experience. We all had fun eating together, the four of us stayed for hours just talking. Everyone was relaxed, in a good mood, and determined to enjoy one another's company which was lovely.

Today after breakfast out, and some meandering through shops in St Kilda, we came back to my place and dad did a few things around the place, like help me mount some pictures on the wall. Jules had bought me some lanterns, so we put them up which have transformed an empty wall to a light-filled happy place! We bought pizza and wine and ate a late lunch on the rooftop before they had to leave. The constant goodbyes are difficult.

When we were down on Acland Street this afternoon we bought some slices of a Polish cheesecake from one of the cake shops. Apparently the recipe for this particular cheesecake is 100 years old. And, it is the most delicious cheesecake I have ever had. I am so in love with this cheesecake. You simply must come and visit and I will take you to this cake shop.